Luv Coach Q&A: Lonely Holiday!

Filed under: Luv Coach

I became friends with a married man who is currently going through a lot at home. When we first started talking I was curious to know why he was interested in me. So he goes on to tell me that he hasn't been happy in a long time with her and she doesn't want him anymore and all the good stuff. So I said why don't you separate from her and his excuse was she'll take his kids away. I became sexually attracted to him and now my emotions are getting involved. My questions are do you think he's acting out of desperation or could it be possible the feelings he claims to have grown for me are real? Should I just leave him alone and let a married man stay married?
neQua

The number one rule of dating is to never get involved with a married man. This guy is unavailable, and even though he tells you he isn't happy in his marriage, it is not your responsibility to make him happy. If his wife truly didn't want him anymore, as he claims, then he would be able to leave his marriage without worrying that she will take his kids. It sounds like he is playing you and he wants his wife, his kids, and a little sugar on the side, which is you. Don't fall for these tricks.

Take a moment to step outside of your situation and assess it with a critical eye. What kind of man develops a relationship with another woman, instead of working on the one he has at home? He can't give you what you want in a relationship. He can't be your husband, or partner, or father to your kids. He has a wife and children, which means his plate is full and yet he is eying the pumpkin pie with whipped cream (you), and trying to figure out how he can stuff it in. Don't let anyone treat you as a sweet afterthought.

I know the holidays can be a difficult time for singles, and in order to avoid those feelings of loneliness you are willing to overlook the glaring red flags. You may want nothing more than to feel loved, desired, and showered with gifts, but don't allow your neediness to steer you down this dangerous path. What kind of relationship are you looking for? Do you want to be the other woman who breaks up people's marriages, or do you want to find a man who is available, respectful, and can commit to only you?

To help you deal with holiday loneliness, turn to friends and family for the love and support you need. Plan a party and invite all your single friends to mingle. Have each friend bring two single friends (one male and one female) and create a singles holiday bash. Tell your guests to bring one gift and play 'White Elephant,' so each person leaves with something special. It's time to be a successful single, and that means only getting involved with people who are ready and available for a relationship. Tell this man to leave you alone and find someone who can love you the way you deserve to be loved.

Rebecca Brody is a relationship coach and columnist in NYC. She hosts ImprovDates.com, and works with private clients. Send your questions to Brody@TheLuvCoach.com or visit her at www.TheLuvCoach.com.

 

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