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Counting Blessings

September 23, 2010, 5:34 pm
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Your Daily Affirmation for Friday, September 24, 2010:

Today, following the advice of the hymn, I count my blessings one by one. One by one I name them all, big and little, great and small. And as I do I experience a renewed sense of just how prospered I am and how abundant God's Universe is. I also realize that i my blessings are too numerous to count. So I pause to affirm: This day I am blessed beyond measure and I am grateful. And so it is.


Blessings Beyond Measure,

Barry Johnson
Previously: Healthy, Whole and Free


Barry Johnson is an businessman, motivational speaker and management consultant. He holds a B.S. degree from Yale and an MBA degree from Harvard. You can follow him at twitter.com/thebarryjohnson and email him at bjohnson@risemovement.org

 

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Robbing God: Should Harlem Churches Have Side Hustles Selling 'Church Tourism'?

September 23, 2010, 5:58 pm
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While the rest of the world is focused on a small dust up at a certain megachurch in Atlanta, Slate, the journal of record for white people fascinated with black culture, just published a new expose on black church tourism in Harlem. Apparently 60 of the 338 black churches in Harlem are offering tours of their churches to foreign tourists with the help of the Harlem Chamber of Commerce. Slate reports: "As the summer tourist season draws to a close in New York, so too winds down the high period for one of the more peculiar attractions the city has to offer: Sunday church services in Harlem, which bring in thousands of foreign travelers each week." And it's not just nice tours of the buildings. Church tourism includes observing the service itself, receiving a "blessing" and a very special welcome from the pastor.


When I first read about Harlem church tourism, I was outraged -- outraged for all the wrong reasons. I grew up in a church where selling things in church was a sacrilege. I remember the response to other churches selling catfish and chicken dinners. It. Just. Wasn't. Done. Whenever this subject would come up, blatant selling of wares in the church house, there would be some vague reference to money changers in the temple. We know how that worked out! (P.S. I also went to a church were women couldn't stand in the pulpit, enter the pastor's study or walk inside the sanctuary wearing pants -- but let's stick to the money-changing in the temple stuff today.)

I was taught that the church should be able to survive on the tithes and offerings of its members and that God would provide. And just in case the congregation forgot their biblical obligation, every Sunday right before offering we were treated to a recitation of Malachi 3:7-10:

7 Even from the days of your fathers ye are gone away from mine ordinances, and have not kept them. Return unto me, and I will return unto you, saith the LORD of hosts. But ye said, Wherein shall we return?

8 Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, Wherein have we robbed thee? In tithes and offerings.

9 Ye are cursed with a curse: for ye have robbed me, even this whole nation.

10 Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the LORD of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.

I didn't know what all that meant as a child and fixated on "cursed with a curse!" The message was clear: Give God his 10 percent or an extra head would grow out of the side of your neck! The God of my childhood was a lot scarier. Everything is scarier in the King James Version.

But in the middle of my internal dialogue about how unseemly it was for people to offer tours of black churches in Harlem, I had a vision of all of the photos I have from my church tours of Europe. Me standing in the front of Notre-Dame, me sticking my head out side of one of the spires from the Sagrada Familia, and how could we forget the churches of all churches, the basilicas of Vatican City. Now I know how the folks in Europe must feel about us traipsing through their churches.

However, it's one thing to show off the historical significance of your edifice and an entirely different thing to turn praise and worship into entertainment. After all, the building isn't "church," it's the people in the church. Is that what these churches are selling in the form of Harlem church tourism? The people?

Related:
+Why Can't a Megachurch Pastor Like Bishop Eddie Long Drive a Bentley?
+Bishop Eddie Long Pictures Paint an Uncomfortable Image


"When the music started, the usher who had greeted us began dancing up and down the aisle. The congregation stood up and started to clap and sway. One tourist pantomimed the drumming and imitated the dancing in what looked like an attempt to impress two female friends" (Slate). Sounds like selling out the members as entertainment to me.

Sure, I'm outraged by foreign tourists treating black church folks like zoo animals but any given Sunday you can walk into a black church and find hundreds of people who came for the show. What should really outrage you is that church leaders are selling this tourism so cheaply. At Greater Highway Deliverance, for example, they get a mere $3 a head for tourists brought by the Harlem Spirituals tour company to enjoy Sunday service: "Co-pastor Hazel Page said Greater Highway receives $3 per visitor from Harlem Spirituals, which charges $55 to $99 per ticket for Sunday tours." (Slate)


Click for Gallery From Slate Magazine

You read that right. The tour company gets $99 and the church gets $3. Three dollars is NOT 10% of $99. These pastors need to reread Malachi 3:7-10.

The tackiness and tawdriness of the specter of tourists coming to gawk at black parishioners is dwarfed by the naked exploitation of these black parishioners by the tour companies and the pastors willing to sell them short. What offends me is not so much that black churches in Harlem are getting paid, but that they willing to get paid so little. That they place so little value on their church family. Talking about wanting to flip over some tables and throw folks out!

No one can question the historical and cultural significance of the black church in America. There was a time when every major movement was born out of it. Many of our most creative geniuses were birthed out of it. The black church has a rich and valuable history.

If that history is valuable enough to show off through Harlem church tourism, it is valuable enough to demand a fair share of the profits. Black churches in Harlem should demand as much from the tour operators as they do from their members. I believe this amount should be the generally acceptable tithe of ten percent. You see, the God of Malachi knows what he's entitled to and demands it... or else.

It's fine if these churches want to market themselves as cultural and historical institutions. I just hope that they embrace the lessons of history and don't turn themselves into one more example of outright robbery of black people and our culture.

In the grand scheme of the foolishness and chicanery that is taking place in Black America's churches these days, flocks of foreign tourists are the least of our worries -- but this is naked economic exploitation. Black churches in Harlem should either demand a fair share or cut the church tourism operators loose. God will provide.


Gina McCauley is the CEO of the Blogging While Brown Conference the blogs Michelle Obama Watch and What About Our Daughters. She is currently completing her first book, 'Michelle Obama Watch.'

 

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Eddie Long's Academy Provided "Masculine Journey" for Youth

September 23, 2010, 7:01 pm
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Unless you've been living under a rock, you probably know about the sexual coercion lawsuit being filed against Bishop Eddie Long, a highly respected pastor in Atlanta. Bishop Long is the head of the New Birth Missionary Baptist Church and also runs the LongFellows mentoring program, structured to mentor boys from ages 13 to 18.

One of the interesting things about the academy is that it is designed to help young men along a "masculine journey" to manhood. The organization is also set up to teach "sexual purity" and physical fitness. Two of the young men who were involved in this organization are the ones filing suit against Long.

The program is able to brag about having a 100 percent high school graduation rate, which is virtually unheard of for black boys in public schools. One of the boys, Jamal Parris, said that Bishop Long claimed he would "protect him and never let another man hurt him." He says that Long was a father figure to him.

His accusers say that Bishop Long used the bible to justify their sexual activity. However, there are others who say that the program helped them to significantly improve their lives. One of the graduates, Marcus Hughes, says that Long was a "spiritual father." Hughes is now the director of the program. He did not, however, comment on the case when contacted by the media.

"This idea that the pastor is in charge, that the pastor should be paid a lot of money, that people should listen to the pastor ... these are common themes that run through these scandals involving these pastors alleged to have coerced their congregants into either giving them money or having sex with them," Sarah Posner author of "God's Profits," told the Atlanta Journal Constitution.

No pun intended, but the Eddie Long scandal has had me scratching my head for a very long time now (did you get the corny joke?). I'm trying to sort fact from fiction, and working to determine that which is relevant vs. meaningless. The allegations are clearly disturbing, and Long is potentially positioned with both legal and ethical problems resulting from this case.

An attorney is going to analyze the Long case differently from a parishioner, who might see the case differently from any random observer watching all this unfold in the media. As I went to speak on the matter on CNN and MSNBC, I spent time seeking truth in my own heart so that I might be able to provide insight that is independent of my own biases. There are quite a few ways to determine whether or not Long actually did something wrong.

The first question that many people are asking is whether or not Eddie Long is gay. If he is, that puts him in direct contrast with his conservative Republican, anti-gay public image, effectively making him look like a serious hypocrite. His congregation would also have reason to be disappointed with Long for breaking the word of God while preaching it. I am sure there may be some bible verse somewhere that exonerates him no matter what he might have done, but that wouldn't fly very far with me.

Then, there is the legal issue of whether or not he actually coerced these young men into having sex. That's where I am led to question the hard ball negotiating tactics of the plantiff's attorney, BJ Bernstein. While Bernstein is doing a very good job of proving that Long bought gifts for the young men and sent pictures of himself looking physically fit in the mirror, she has not yet (in my mind), proven that he forced anyone to have sex with him. By being so aggressive in the beginning, it may be the case that Bernstein is working to hold Long's public image hostage to negotiate a higher dollar figure for the settlement. Proving that Eddie Long might be gay is very different from proving that he coerced someone into having sex with him.

I can't agree with the idea of letting Eddie Long off the hook, at least until all the evidence is made available. If it were the case that he condemned gay men during the day and slept with them at night, this seriously undermines his credibility as a spiritual advisor to the thousands of people who follow him. Also, the age of the boys at the time Bishop Long allegedly became sexually involved with them could also be problematic. But if the boys were over the age of 18 and there was mutual attraction, then who am I to stand in the way of true love?

One final point that must be considered in the case of Eddie Long is the fact that he may possibly be a victim. It is not inconceivable that the sudden decision of the plaintiffs to file suit was driven by some kind of disgruntlement. There was once a very odd case here at Syracuse University where a professor was sleeping with a student, with the student filing sexual misconduct charges against the professor months after the end of the relationship. While I would never condone the idea of a professor sleeping with a student (an absolute no-no), the case appeared to be one party exploiting the vulnerability of another. So, like the professor silly enough to risk his entire career to sleep with a student, a famous pastor would be risking his reputation by sleeping with anyone in his congregation. When things go wrong, the public figure has a lot to lose and people sometimes take advantage of that.

In order for the accusations against Long to be fraudulent, it would not have to be the case that Bishop Long is being falsely portrayed as being gay or bisexual. Instead, he may actually have a vulnerability in his sex life that is being exploited by those who are seeking to publicly extort money from him. This is not out of the question, so perhaps all options should be considered before we condemn Bishop Long to both hell and the poorhouse for whatever it is that he's accused of doing.

One last thing we shouldn't do is believe any and everything Bishop Long says without questioning him. One of the reasons Catholic priests were able to victimize so many young people over the years is because no one believed the children when they came to discuss what had happened to them. The priest was beyond being questioned, which opened the door for sexual predators to do their dirty work. Protecting our kids is paramount, but we must also protect adults from being falsely accused. This case is far from over.

Dr. Boyce Watkins is the founder of the Your Black World Coalition and a Scholarship in Action Resident of the Institute for Black Public Policy. To have Dr. Boyce commentary delivered to your email, please click here.

 

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Mom, Daughter Charged In Stabbing Over Facebook Comments

September 24, 2010, 3:19 am
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Mom, Daughter Charged In Stabbing Over Facebook Comments


A Wheaton, Ill., Mother and teen daughter are charged with attacking another Mom and daughter with steak knives and all over a nasty comment that was made on Facebook.

View more news videos at: http://www.nbcchicago.com/video.


Judith E. Scott-Booker (pictured) is charged with a felony aggravated battery and her 18-year-old daughter, Brianna Smith, faces misdemeanor aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and battery charges.

The feline feud began in early September, when another young woman went on Facebook and commented on how Smith's newborn baby was "ugly." Smith then pointed the finger at friend Natia Robinson, also 18, and somehow blamed her for the nasty post. Robinson's mother, Tiffany Scott, and Scott-Booker were somehow brought in to the disagreement. In order to squash the false accusation and prove her daughter's innocence, Scott invited Scott-Booker and her daughter to her townhouse, so that they could check her daughter's e-mail trail.

The meeting got out of hand and tempers flared. Scott said Smith became irrational and physically violent, so she asked the women to leave her home. The dueling pair actually did leave but waited outside Scott's townhome. Approximately 15 minutes later, when Scott went outside and walked toward her car, she was attacked by the mother/daughter team who were now wielding kitchen knives.

"I didn't even know I had been stabbed until I was back inside my house. There was blood everywhere," Scott told the Daily Herald Monday.

Scott, who is not well and walks with a cane, tried to shield her daughter from Scott-Booker's blows and was punched several times and struck in the eye. The 39-year-old mom received multiple stab wounds in her shoulder, underarm area, nape of the neck near a major artery, in the back and wrist.

Smith is charged with repeatedly attacking Robinson, as well as placing a knife against the teen's wrist. Robinson was not stabbed.

"I could have died. I keep playing it back in my head. This is someone who has followed me around and for years tried to befriend me," Scott said. "I still don't understand why she did this. She's toxic."

Both families live in the same townhouse complex, but their daughters actually met in grade school and had been friends for at least 10 years.

After the knife attack, Smith took to Facebook yet again and accused Scott and Robinson of instigating the out-of-control confrontation. The young woman apologized that someone got hurt but then commented on her page, "That's the price we all pay when we play silly games."

Scott-Booker, who is still in jail and unable to make a $7,500 bail, is due in court on September 27th; daughter Smith posted a $100 bail and must make a court appearance on October 13th.

Meanwhile, Scott and Robinson are looking to change diggs to a less stressful setting in order to avoid any possible future run-ins. She is also encouraging her daughter to refrain from using the social networking site that got them in the mess that they're in currently:

"I hate Facebook," she says.



 

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Ray Charles Memorial Library Opens in L.A.

September 24, 2010, 3:57 am
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Ray Charles Memorial Library opens in L.A.


On a balmy fall evening, amid the hustle and bustle of South Central Los Angeles, an intimate, invitation-only crowd gathered to commemorate the 80th birthday of the man who smashed cultural, musical and racial boundaries with a contagious smile and piano. With tears, laughter, singing and dancing, the life and legacy of iconic musical genius Ray Charles was immortalized with the unveiling of The Ray Charles Memorial Library. Located on the ground floor of the historic landmark building Mr. Charles designated for his offices and recording studio, the library is a stunning reflection of the man himself: vibrant, sleek and unorthodox, it is a creative blend of modern technology and historic preservation elegantly displayed throughout six amazing galleries.

Without a single book in sight, it juxtaposes interviews with legendary musicians, such as Quincy Jones, B.B. King and Jimmy Jam on high-definition screens and a wealth of artifacts not found anywhere else in the world. In a video montage honoring Ray, Jamie Foxx, Kanye West and Mable John all share their feelings on the musical legend. Bill Cosby spoke of the memorable "Cosby Show" episode, when "Rudy" belted out "Nighttime is the Right Time," eliciting nostalgic laughter.

The exhibits trace Mr. Charles' childhood, schooling and development as a musician; breakthrough recordings, historic crossover beyond R&B to Pop and Country genres; mastery of his recording studio; managing the business and unprecedented artistic independence; recognition of 17 Grammy's, Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, performances for presidents and world leaders, Academy Award-winning biographical film; and lasting legacy through his foundation and timeless creative works.

One can also find a handwritten letter from Johnny Cash that discusses the release of a track they recorded together, the original Raelettes performance dresses and wigs, his chessboard with raised squares so he could feel his way through the game, his personal address book that he created in Braille and his contract with the William Morris Agency.

"He never threw anything away," said David Brokaw, president of The Brokaw Company, the publicity agency handling the event. "Which is a good thing. How do you capsulize Ray Charles?"

Though his music was honored and appreciated throughout the evening, it was the heart, passion and determination of Ray Charles that was the primary focus of the event. His philanthropic efforts and concern on behalf of disadvantaged and disenfranchised youth is the driving force behind the Library.

In the ceremony preceding the official ribbon-cutting, Valerie Ervin, president of The Ray Charles Foundation, stressed the importance of such a dynamic, interactive exhibit and spoke with humble sincerity of the profound affect Ray Charles and his long-time manager, Joe Adams (who was present for the event) had on her life:

"They taught me perseverance, hard work, integrity, and I hope [his legacy] will have the same affect on children who walk through these doors."

Bob Santelli, executive director and curator of The Grammy Museum, also spoke on the potentially transformative effect he hoped the library would have on the disenfranchised youth of Greater Los Angeles, with the ultimate goal being to "inform and inspire."

In a night filled with inspiration, the most powerful quote came from the man of the hour himself, Ramsey Jay, the master of ceremonies. In his uplifting introduction, Jay quoted Mr. Charles as saying, "I don't think any of us really KNOWS why we're here. But I think we're supposed to BELIEVE we're here for a purpose."

This library unequivocally fills a purpose. Ray Charles believed that even without sight, he was blessed with enough to be extraordinary. This library tells every child who has ever awakened hungry, alone, orphaned and/or impoverished that you are not alone. Here is a man who walked in your shoes with what most considered a disability and succeeded beyond anyone's wildest dreams.

The Ray Charles Memorial Library is an honor bestowed on a man who only wanted to give of himself. In the words of B.B. King, our "blind, black, Beethoven" illuminated the world with his presence. It is the hope of all who tirelessly devoted their time, resources and hearts to this phenomenally groundbreaking project, that any youth who experience this library will be encouraged, enlightened and empowered, then go on to shine just as brightly.

 

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Check Out Reagan Gomez's Short Film, 'This Time' With Terri J. Vaughn

September 24, 2010, 4:17 am
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Written by Reagan Gomez, whose voice is featured on 'The Cleveland Show,' and directed by Matthew A. Cherry, 'This Time' stars Reagan Gomez, Michael Moss, Terri J. Vaughn, and NFL player Sinorice Moss.

The short film deals with the realities that many people have to face when a loved one returns home from war and everything has changed.

Playing at numerous film festivals, the film is dedicated to the men and women who have given their lives to protect our country. And their family members with whom their memory lives on.

 

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Jay-Z Exploited by Forbes Magazine to Sell '400 Richest Americans' Issue

September 24, 2010, 7:29 am
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Warren Buffet and Jay-Z
Jay-Z is featured on the cover of this month's Forbes magazine with billionaire Warren Buffet, not because he is listed as one of the 400 richest people in America by Forbes, as Buffet is. No, Jay-Z is included on the Forbes cover because someday, he hopes he will be included on the list of the 400 richest people in America. And Jay-Z just might be, if over the latter half of his life the rap mogul can double his wealth, as Gawker writer Hamilton Nolan observes:

[I]t's clear that Forbes is trying to drum up some public interest in a fairly cynical way: Not only did they put Jay-Z on the cover, but they also include a story on a sit-down chat between he and Buffett, a video, and another separate story on Jay-Z, all on the alleged premise that Jay-Z "will earn a spot on the Forbes 400" one day-as soon as he doubles his wealth.

The real premise: Jay-Z's face on the cover sells magazines. If there's one thing the Forbes 400 is not, it's hip hop.


Please read the rest at Gawker.com.

Of course, if one takes a closer look at Forbes' list of the 400 richest people in America, you will find exactly one black person: Oprah Winfrey. While that is no surprise, perhaps putting Oprah on the cover would not provide the needed boost of attention that Forbes is going for. I also can't imagine Oprah submitting to the condescending "little sibling" role that Jay is treated with by the editors of Forbes in pairing the successful rapper with the ancient investor. In addition to brazening using Jay-Z to sell magazines, what this does is two things:

1. It avoids a critical examination of what it takes to build massive wealth in this country, and who has access to that capital. If you look at the list of the 400 richest people in America, you will see that many of the richest are women and men who have inherited wealth from extremely successful family members. And of course, you will see mostly white people, and very few women. By putting a "cool black guy" on the cover who isn't even on the list, Forbes seems to be trying to make America turn a blind eye to who is actually rich, how they get that way and how they stay that way. And forget about who is consistently kept out. Sorry, Forbes, but we at Black Voices aren't distracted.

2. Jay-Z, who typically has a strong black male image, is made to seem submissive and needy. It has been widely reported that corporate America prefers black men who are "baby-faced," thus not threatening in appearance or demeanor to the mostly white men who run everything. This preference for docile-looking black men has of course made it difficult for African American men who do not fit this mold to get ahead in a corporate environment, even if their hard work and education make them deserving of promotion. By casting Warren Buffet as the big kind Dad who can teach little Jay-Z to be a billionaire like him someday if he tries, not only is Forbes trying to get us to ignore all the many real barriers to wealth creation that most people face, "trying" aside (see point one). Corporate leaders who prefer their blacks submissive also get to eat up this kindler, gentler Jay like so much cream pie, thus reinforcing their preference for baby-faced black men. The magazine is also taking away one of the amazing things about Jay-Z's image that the African American community loves -- his inspiring masculine energy of self-determination. Say it ain't so, Hove!

Related:
+Forbes Ranks Hip-Hop's Top 20 Highest Earners: Jay-Z Tops List
+Jay-Z and the New York Yankees Team Up to Release Merchandise

I can very much understand why Jay-Z would participate in such emasculation. In business, as in life, it's all about who you know. And knowing Warren Buffet will probably help one of Forbes' 2010 Hip Hop Cash Kings get even richer. Jay-Z knows how to play the game, and plays it well. It is that inherent prowess that enabled Jay-Z to use his wits and talents to get out of the ghetto and amass wealth on a level that is astounding, despite the barriers to wealth creation that African Americans face.

Still, I want Forbes magazine to know: We see you. We know what you are doing, and just like Jay, we understand the nature of the game. Even if you are using Jay-Z's image to try to get those on the other side of wealth to turn a blind eye to reality, we are here to hip astute readers to the truth.

 

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The Trend Report: Spring Summer 2011

September 24, 2010, 7:55 am
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Although the 2010 summer sun is still glistening, the time has come for us to feast ourselves for next year's trends. As we pack our summer clothes away gear up for 2011, it makes sense to know what to shop for at current season end clearance sales. For Fall/Winter 2010, we have encountered jumpsuits, sheer, boyfriend blazers and florals.


The floral trend will continue into next year with hot and cold mixes of bright and nude hues. Expect to see floral broches, socks, hair accessories, stockings, tights, bags, shirts, skirts and hints of them on pants as well as dresses. The traditional virgin floral prints are a thing of the past. Floral prints of today are more hardcore and evoke all things naughty.>
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Modern luxury is theatrical with a bit of ruggedness. Fine fabrics such as lace and silk are on the top of the list for major fashion houses. They are bringing the feminine element back with a hint of theatre and drama. The perfect illustration is The Blonds show which began with an eye beaming theatrical performance consisting of four dancers draped in different color costumes paired with glittery Louboutin heels. We caught up with Selita E. Banks who closed the show and she told Black Voices, "I am a huge fan of The Blonds. They represent fashion. I feel about as sexy walking down the runway in their clothes as I do in Victoria's Secret".
We don't just want to be feminine and beautiful anymore...we need drama, jaw-dropping, "WOW" factor. Trends in fashion come and go. What it comes down to is what we feel comfortable in and who we are as individuals. As long as you are confident in the clothes you wear, you are fashionable, you are trendy and most importantly, you are unique.

 

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Tyrese Gibson: Listen Up LaLa!!

September 24, 2010, 8:52 am
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Last week, VH1's newest lineup of reality television shows included the first episode of 'LaLa's Full Court Wedding,' starring former MTV VJ LaLa Vasquez,31. The 30-minute show takes you behind the scenes of Vasquez's life in the weeks leading up to her wedding and costars her adorable son and her now-husband, Carmelo Anthony, 26 of the Denver Nuggets.

While audiences were initially able to witness the mayhem that Lala and many brides experience planning a wedding, we were also introduced to Vasquez's celebrity friends. One of which, was singer/actor Tyrese Gibson, 31, made a lunch date cameo on the first episode. In probably one of the more entertaining segments of the show, Gibson calmly called LaLa out on some of her choices. After complimenting her on being a great mother and girlfriend to a NBA player, he questions whether or not she undesrtood the work it requires to master being a wife.

"It's one wedding, one situation, one time.....are you a wife? Why are you not hanging out with married women who have been married for a long time? You can't be in the spirit of being married, hanging out with a bunch of single people. I'm not telling you to get rid of all of your friends but they are not in the same space that you are in," Tyrese told her.

LaLa felt the epiphanic slap and her response was, "After thinking about everything Tyrese said, he does make a lot of sense on lot of things. And marriage is definitely a big deal."

Is it a big enough deal to stop hanging around your single friends?Mr. Coca-Cola has a point, but his delivery was very extreme. When men or women decide to make the transition from single life to martial bliss they should be aware that some things will have to change. One of which, depending on who you are and who your friends are, may include changing who you hang with and who you choose to turn to for advice.

The single life brings a lot of relationship drama, instability and lessons learned. Most of us experience that period of our lives with friends that are there for us during our relationship highs and lows. Therefore, it isn't realistic nor is it fair to think as soon as you are engaged, all your single friends must walk out your life.

To evict people out your life based solely on their relationship status isn't right, but to surround yourself only with single friends can be just as faulty. Single people, no matter how long they have been a boyfriend and girlfriend, will not understand the marriage dynamic until they take the sacred oath themselves. Tyrese's point is that it would be beneficial to anyone on the verge of getting married to understand their are many things to learn from couples who already have jumped the broom and taken the plunge.

Whether you're in a relationship or not, when you're not married, you're acknowledged as "single." Single people, consciously or not, have a tendency to put their needs and wants first because - well, because they can. However, those who are married are held to legal and spiritual obligations that unite them. The needs and wants of one become the needs and wants of both. Not all of your single buddies will understand that, which is why it's imperative for anyone getting married to balance the company they keep.

Find yourself in a good space by balancing your time (when not spending it with you new wife/husband) with successfully married couples that you can learn from and single friends that respect the institution of marriage even if they are not in one. Balance is key -- unsuccessfully married couples can do plenty, if not more damage to the relationship than those who are single. Ultimately, a true friend is friend no matter his or her marital status.

Follow writer Shirea L. Carroll on Twitter @InviteOnly


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Bishop Eddie Long to Step Down as Pastor After Sunday

September 24, 2010, 8:54 am
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It has been reported that the Bishop Eddie Long is going to step down as pastor after his sermon set to be delivered on Sunday. Long is currently the pastor of the New Birth Missionary Baptist Church in Atlanta. He was recently challenged by three young men who filed suit against the pastor for allegedly coercing them into sex.

There are also reports that as many as 30 young men have contacted the plaintiff's attorney, BJ Bernstein, in an effort to file suits of their own or join the existing lawsuit.

Bishop Eddie Long's sex scandal has been in the headlines of national news for several days. Since the story broke, there have been suspicious pictures released that feature Bishop Long wearing muscle shirts and spandex, posing in the bathroom. Some have wondered why Long would send these images to his "spiritual sons."

On the Bishop Eddie Long sex fiasco, which I discussed this morning on MSNBC, there appear to be three angles of consideration: Legality, morality and hypocrisy. Legally, one has to determine if Long violated his fiduciary responsible to take care of the young men under his guidance. Secondly, there is the question of whether the men he may have slept with were of legal age and whether or not there was coercion.

In terms of morality, there is the obvious concern about a pastor preaching the bible on Sundays and violating biblical principles by allegedly committing adultery and sleeping with men. Many members of his congregation may not be happy to see any evidence that this is indeed the case.

Finally, there is the issue of hypocrisy. Bishop Eddie Long has gone out of his way to position himself as a pastor standing against gay rights. He has also been accused of pushing homosexuals out of the church. The idea that he may be gay himself certainly undermines his public credibility.

It appears that Bishop Eddie Long may become the Tiger Woods of the pulpit. It will be interesting to see where the case goes from here, and as I said two days ago, this is probably just the beginning.


Dr. Boyce Watkins is the founder of the Your Black World Coalition and a Scholarship in Action Resident of the Institute for Black Public Policy. To have Dr. Boyce commentary delivered to your email, please click here.

 

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The Ring: Episode 5 -- Telling the Hard Truth

September 24, 2010, 9:01 am
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What do you do when your significant other starts to gain too much weight? Do you tell the truth or do you keep it inside? This is the issue that relationship gurus Mason Jamal and Rebecca Brody tackle in the latest episode of The Ring. Watch, learn and tell us what you think in the comment section!
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On a Side Note: Okay, I'll Officially Admit It. Sarah Palin Scares Me.

September 24, 2010, 9:58 am
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I know this is not a money matter, and that I'm new here, but I have to get something off my chest. Sarah Palin scares me. There, I said it. Miss Sarah and The Tea Baggers[1] officially have me shook. Seriously, peep this latest SarahPAC video:


I gotta be totally honest with you. The fact that so many people find this hideously vapid woman even remotely credible scares the Bejesus outta me. Not because she's a threat to become President (a plurality of Tea Partiers even agree she isn't qualified), but because our country is so freakin' dumb that this sideshow broad is taken seriously by anyone. Don't believe me? She's endorsed a dentist who thinks civil rights legislation is intrusive on state's rights, a 40-year-old virgin who once dabbled in witchcraft, a lawyer who wants to repeal Social Security, and a crackpot who thinks women who are raped by family members and end up pregnant should "make lemonade out of lemons" and be forced to have the baby anyway.

All of these people won their respective GOP primaries, and have reasonable shots at ending up in the US Senate next January. That sh*t should scare you. Seriously.


I obviously have nothing against criticizing the President's performance. I do this all the time myself, and I think questioning the legislative decisions of those you elect (or don't elect for that matter) is both responsible and downright American. The problem is, most of these folks don't even have their facts straight (ex.: Death Panels!), and don't provide any real solutions other than talking points like "free market capitalism" and "less taxes." Sorry, that just sounds like a BS excuse to avoid the obvious issue (he's a Democrat!) to me.

Just watch the video again and peep what's happening. The paramilitary undertone of the soundtrack. The legions of mindless, flag waving clones. The total and complete absence of anyone of color[2], save for the obvious token darkie in the crowd. The bullsh*t faux populism. Palin's freakishly weird posture at the :42 mark. The underlying assertion that these folks are somehow more American, more patriotic, more God-like, simply because they didn't vote for that Kenyan Nazi. The Madlibs narrative of Palin's mindnumblingly stoopid speech. The fact that anyone even mistakes this whole charade, funded by rich people to protect the riches of those very same rich people, as "grassroots".

Folks, this country's headed to the crapper faster than I can finish typing this sentence.

Question: Does this tone and direction of this whole "movement" have you somewhat concerned? Have people this stupid simply been in hiding for the past 20+ years? Has this sentiment always been out there, just not televised as much?

[1] Sounds like a catchy name for an alt-rock group, no?

[2] What the hell is that brotha at the :22 second mark doing with his black a$$ is Searchlite, NV?!? Shame!)

 

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Latest Black Celebrity in Financial Trouble: Gary Dourdan

September 24, 2010, 10:50 am
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Gary Dourdan
Gary Dourdan is the latest black celebrity who seems to be on the verge of financial disaster. The former CSI star is having difficulty paying even his basic credit card bills. Anyone who knows anything about personal finance knows that when one can't handle one's credit cards, you are in a tough money bind. TMZ reports:

Former "CSI" star Gary Dourdan has a credit someone thinks he doesn't deserve -- it's plastic and is going to cost Gary $88,000.

HSBC filed a lawsuit in L.A. County Superior Court -- obtained by TMZ -- claiming Dourdan owes $88,024.95 for credit card purchases over the last four years ... plus cash advances.

According to the docs, HSBC has tried several times to get its money -- but Dourdan isn't answering those annoying robocalls.

Calls to Dourdan's reps haven't been returned.


Many black stars before Gary Dourdan have been in this position before. Very recently Fantasia faced foreclosure, Evander Holyfield has faced bad money problems, and really, the list goes on. Dourdan is also known to have had a drug problem, which of course only compounds any issue one may have with managing money. Let's hope that those times are over, and that this latest blip of trouble in Dourdan's life is not compounded with other issues.

Related:
+Jay-Z Exploited by Forbes Magazine to Sell '400 Richest Americans' Issue
+Watch Blair Underwood as the New Black President on 'The Event'

The fact of the matter is that Gary Dourdan is still talented and great-looking. He definitely has a following among black women, and is known by general audiences. As stars like Blair Underwood show, once the public knows your face, you can make money again in television if you stay relevant and keep your nose to the grindstone. Underwood will play the president of the United States in fall 2010 series 'The Event,' after some time away from the limelight.

If Gary Dourdan can develop a similar career resurgence, hopefully his credit card bills will cease to be a problem, if he can learn to manage his money better the second time around. We all deserve second (and third, and fourth!) chances. I hope Dourdan gets his.

 

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Shreveport Republican Mayoral Candidate Offers Chicken and Limo Rides for Votes!

September 24, 2010, 11:13 am
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Shreveport, Louisiana elected its first African-American mayor, Democrat Cedric Glover in 2006. After that historic election, one may have thought that the Southern city had put its legacy of racial division behind them.

Not so much.

Republican candidate Bryan Wooley, who is running for mayor of Shreveport, has sparked anger among African-Americans in the Louisiana town.

It began with a "Freedom Rally" event reportedly sponsored by the mayoral candidate.

The event, which was planned for this past Wednesday and Thursday, advertised free chicken and limo rides to voting polls. Now, it IS the South and chicken wings and limo rides are beloved by most citizens, regardless of color.

However, these fliers were reportedly only placed in Shreveport's Cooper Road area. Cooper Road is a predominantly black neighborhood also known as the Martin Luther King neighborhood.

Needless to say, the flyers were seen offensive and racist to many of Shreveport's black residents. Fellow mayoral candidate Parker Ward told the Shreveport Times, "Words can't express my anger over this racist move. I am calling on Bryan Wooley to send a public apology to the African- American community."

According to the Times, calls to Wooley's campaign spokesperson to verify the authenticity of the flyer and event were not immediately returned this morning.

Someone call Bryan Wooley, and tell him he needs more people.

 

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Around the Web - 'The Black Ivy', Hip-Hop's Obsession with Gucci, Fall Coats, & Meeting the Parents

September 24, 2010, 11:30 am
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'The Black Ivy' Just in time for many of you undergrads who have returned to HBCU campuses for fall semester, Street Etiquette (known for their personal style blog and short films) has released "The Black Ivy." The video editorial is dedicated to the classic style found on Historically Black Colleges and Universities. (Clutch Magazine)


Hip-Hop's Obsession with Gucci It's hard to pinpoint exactly when hip-hop fans became obsessed with the high-end label but there is no denying its popularity. (The Urban Daily)

Fall Time! Your Fall coat should be many things. It should be warm, it should be flattering, but just as importantly, it should fit your personality. See where you can find some coats to fit your personality or mood. (Coco and Creme)

Meeting the Parents How long do you wait before you introduce your lover to your parents? (Madame Noire)

 

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Interview With An Author: NPR Personality Michele Norris Unveils Family's Racial Roots in Moving Memoir

September 24, 2010, 1:08 pm
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If you have ever listened to National Public Radio's flagship program 'All Things Considered,' you are familiar with co-host Michele Norris's calm and steady voice. It comes easy for her; she has been a journalist for years, serving as a correspondent for ABC News, and reporting for the Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, and the Los Angeles Times newspapers. Last year, she was named "Journalist of the Year'' by the National Association of Black Journalists.

She is known for always asking the hard questions. But now, her voice is amplified as she turns the spotlight on herself in 'The Grace of Silence: A Memoir,' a poignant portrait of her family, where she eloquently uncovers long buried secrets. She learns, for example, that her maternal grandmother, Ione Brown, worked as Minnesota's version of "Aunt Jemima,'' serving up hundreds of pancakes on the road.

And in a recurring narrative of the memoir, she learns that her father, Belvin Norris, was shot by a white police officer in Birmingham, Alabama, shortly after being honorably discharged from service in World War II. It happened during his second week home. He and two friends were waiting in a lobby to attend a get-together when suddenly a policeman showed up and tried to prevent them from going to the party. A struggle ensued, the officer seized his weapon and a bullet grazed Norris's leg.

Norris writes candidly about her family's history in this must-read memoir that she wrote in the wake of the election of President Barack Obama, which brought about America's so-called post-racial society.

Norris, who lives in Washington with her husband, talked candidly with BlackVoices.com. Excerpts are below.

BV on Books: When did you first realize this was a story you had to tell?

Michele Norris: I had first set out to write a book about the hidden conversation about race in America and when I first started learning about the secrets my family had kept hidden from my generation I initially thought I would include some of that information in an anecdotal way. I wanted to tap into the honest conversation so I figured that I would be honest about what I heard when I listened to the honest conversation in my own family. But over time I just could not let that story go. I had to know more about what I had uncovered and I needed to understand how those things shaped me even though it was never spoken about at home.

BV: One of the greatest strengths of 'The Grace of Silence' is the attention you pay to individual lives and personal stories. Was it hard to get people to open up?

MN: I was frequently surprised by how quickly people opened up outside of my family. I had to work a lot harder to get my relatives to open up about our lives but once that spigot opened I learned amazing things. In the end I just had to wait people out. I sensed that they wanted to tell their story but I had to wait for the signal that they were ready and to help us get to that point, I tried to hold conversations over food. It is amazing how food can put people at ease and stir old memories. I guess that is why they call it comfort food.

BV: What was the most surprising thing you discovered?

MN: This project was full of surprises but the most earth shattering by far was the discovery that my father was shot by a police officer as a young man and kept the secret hidden from his family until he died of cancer at the age of 62.

BV: Have you encountered any criticism for bringing these stories into the light?

MN: I have encountered discomfort from people who were initially reluctant to put the stories out in the public but that subsided over time with the realization the stories, however uncomfortable, offered important lessons

BV: What's next for Michele Norris?

MN: I always write my future in pencil.
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BV on Books: Hot List for This Season

BV on Books' Hot List for This Season

BV on Books: Hot List for This Season

In 'The Porn Star Guide to Great Sex' (St. Martin's Press, $24.99), porn star veteran Mr. Marcus pens a guide that will set the house on fire. Yes, the whole house, honey! He does not just recommend tricks in bedroom; the Guide comes complete with illustrations and gives tips on how men and women can be better lovers and mates.

BV on Books: Hot List for This Season

In 'The Cheating Curve' (Dafina/Kensington, $15), Paula T. Renfroe spins a captivating yarn about marriage, infidelity and friendship. Can a friendship survive when a woman, whose husband's infidelity nearly tore her apart, learns that her best friend is cheating on her husband?

BV on Books: Hot List for This Season

In 'Visible Lives: Three Stories in Tribute to E. Lynn Harris' (Kensington, $15), Terrance Dean, James Early Hardy and Stanley Bennett Clay join forces to write moving tributes to the celebrated best-selling novelist with hot tales of sex and the search for love by gay black men.

BV on Books: Hot List for This Season

In 'Black is the New White' (Gallery, $15), Paul Mooney, the talented comic presents a sobering memoir about growing up in the Deep South and moving to Hollywood and New York City to write for some of television's most successful shows, including 'Chappelle's Show,' 'In Living Color,' 'Saturday Night Live,' 'Good Times,' and 'Sanford and Son.' But his formidable talent for making jokes about race propelled him to the forefront of the comedy scene as if he were a comedian himself.

BV on Books: Hot List for This Season

In 'Butterfly Rising' (Create Space, $15), Tanya Wright, who portrays the recurring role of Deputy Kenya Jones on HBO's hit drama 'True Blood,' writes her debut novel, which tells the story of an unlikely friendship between two women, a grief-stricken young singer and the town's seductress. The two end up taking a road trip that transforms their lives forever in this heartwarming story.

BV on Books: Hot List for This Season

In 'Luke Cage Marvel Noir' (Marvel Comics, $14.99), artist and illustrator Shawn Martinbrough brings dark comic book character Luke Cage to life with his colorful and striking drawings in this absorbing tale about a "bad, bad man.'' Even if you're not a big fan of comics, you will be hooked on this story. In the fourth of the series, Cage returns to Harlem after 10 years behind bars, hoping to find his old flame, but he gets drawn into a complex web of murder and darkness.

BV on Books: Hot List for This Season

In 'Foxy: My Life in Three Acts' (Springboard Press/Hachette Book Group, $24.99), by Pam Grier with Andrea Cagan, the iconic actress, who immortalized roles such as Foxy Brown, Coffy and Friday Foster, reveals the darker side of what appeared to be a glamorous life in this heartrending memoir about love, survival and restoration.

BV on Books: Hot List for This Season

In 'My Father's House' (St. Martin's Press, $24.99), posthumously released by E. Lynn Harris, the author weaves a powerful story of love, desire, deception, murder and absolution around the life of Bentley L. Dean III, who takes a gamble on losing his family inheritance when he reveals his homosexuality.

BV on Books: Hot List for This Season

In 'Till You Hear From Me' by Pearl Cleage (One World/Ballantine Books, $25), the award-winning author highlights her unique storytelling ability by capturing the heartbeat of America with the tale of Ida B. Wells Dunbar, a 35-year-old presidential campaign worker who wins a job at the White House. The story underscores the difficulties of parlaying hard work into fair game in the shifting world of politics. It also intersects with a post-Obama America and the civil rights movement.

BV on Books: Hot List for This Season

 

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Eddie Long: Fourth Lawsuit Filed, Man Claims He and Long Had Sex

September 24, 2010, 2:55 pm
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A fourth lawsuit has been filed against Atlanta-area pastor Eddie Long, alleging he coerced a 17-year-old into a sexual relationship during a 2005 trip the two took to Africa.

The suit -- filed, like the others, in DeKalb County, Georgia, State Court -- claims Long invited Spencer LeGrande, now 22, on a trip to Kenya.

On the first night in Nairobi, Long asked LeGrande to come to his room, where the youth told the pastor he was having difficulty going to sleep, the suit states. Long provided Ambien, a sleep aid, and they both took the drug, according to the suit.

Long then gave LeGrande a hug, kissed and licked the youth's lips and rubbed the teen's chest, according to the lawsuit. They slept in bed together that evening and during the rest of the Kenya trip, the lawsuit states, adding they went on shopping sprees.

In a statement released by his spokesman, Long denied the allegations.

Source: CNN



Kevin Eason is a freelance editorial cartoonist and Illustrator from New Jersey. His brand of satire covers news events in politics, entertainment, sports and much more. Follow him on Facebook.

 

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Facebook Saves Gives $100M to our Kids, but We Don't Care

September 24, 2010, 7:18 pm
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By now, you may have heard that Mark Zuckerberg, founder of Facebook.com, is going to give away $100 million to the public school system in Newark, New Jersey. If there were ever a district in greater need of this financial support, it would be Newark. Over half of its kids are not graduating, and only 20 percent of them are going to college. The town has become a haven of wasted black genius and public school inefficiency.

One condition of the deal is that the city's mayor, Corey Booker, is going to be allowed to play a major role in how the district is run. I'm not sure if this is a good or bad idea, since I've heard mixed reviews on Corey Booker. He seems far less interested in helping the city of Newark than he is in becoming the next post-racial presidential candidate. But I digress on this until we see more of Booker's future.

Booker seems to want to change the way teachers are paid, linking their compensation to student performance. This makes sense to me, as the destruction of our students seems to result from a creative partnership between the teachers and parents alike. Parents are not involved the way they should be, but when they are involved, their children's futures are stolen by teachers who set terribly low expectations for their kids.

Zuckerberg made his announcement today on The Oprah Winfrey Show. The pledge was made in conjunction with his new movie, "The Social Network," set to be released next week. One interesting thing about Zuckerberg is that he and other wealthy public figures are going out of their way to give back to the world. Bill Gates, Warren Buffett and others are setting a trend that Zuckerberg and others like him seem willing to follow.

What I constantly wonder is whether or not black celebrities are ever going to follow suit? I recall watching Diddy give his son a $350,000 car in one hand, and a $10,000 check to Haiti in the other. I wondered why the entire country of Haiti deserved only 1/35th of what he'd just given to his son. Perhaps our priorities should be modified.

"What you're seeing is for the under-40 set, education reform is what feeding kids in Africa was in 1980," said Derrell Bradford, the executive director of the group Excellent Education for Everyone. "Newark public schools are like the new Live Aid."

In addition to Zuckerberg's donation, the Bill & Melinda Gates foundation gave $290 million in grants, including $100 million for the schools in Tampa, Florida. They also gave $90 million to the schools in Memphis, Tenn. Newark has 40,000 students and a $940 million annual budget, in addition to terribly low test scores and graduation rates.

I don't know about you, but I don't like the idea of our kids being defined as the "New Live Aid." Black children should not be the charity cases being taken up by wealthy liberals who want to make the world a better place. Their efforts are certainly appreciated, but the sign of a weak community is one where its people cannot sustain and provide for themselves.

The $100 million being provided by Zuckerberg is a great start, but the real bailout for our kids is going to come from parents and the community. We must all become involved in the educational lives of our children, as well as make ourselves available for children who are not our own. We should set the bar high for our kids and demand that they pursue education as diligently as they pursue entertainment and sports. We must also push as a community to hold school systems and poor teachers accountable when they allow our kids to be turned to intellectual waste after being buried under a system that cares more about protecting teachers' jobs than about helping young people to have a future. We all need to be part of the bailout.



Dr. Boyce Watkins is a Professor at Syracuse University and author of the book, "Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about College." To have Dr. Boyce commentary delivered to your email, please click here.

 

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Less Than Half of African Americans Believe Eddie Long is Gay

September 25, 2010, 4:52 am
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The sex scandal of Bishop Eddie Long has taken the world by storm. Everyone is talking about it and my fingers are fatigued from constantly writing about it. Bishop Long has had four lawsuits filed against him, and he has also decided to step down as pastor of the New Birth Missionary Baptist Church.

One piece of evidence after another has emerged to show that Bishop Long could very likely have a second life that involves sexual interaction with young men. Quite a few men have approached the plaintiff's attorney, BJ Bernstein, telling their own stories about having sex with Bishop Long. After speaking to others who are closely familiar with the situation, I have personally concluded that something very serious could be going on.


What is most surprising, however, is that according to a recent AOL Black Voices poll, only 49 percent of respondents believe that Bishop Eddie Long is gay. In response to the question, "Do you think Bishop Long is homosexual?" forty-nine percent of the respondents said "yes." Another 28 percent said "who cares?" and 23 percent said "no."

So, the results can be interpreted in a multitude of ways. On one hand, we could argue that the 28 percent who don't care actually believe he is gay. We can also say that the survey is undermined by the fact that it was released before all four lawsuits had been filed (only three were filed when the survey was created).

Another way to look at the survey might be to conclude that African Americans are in denial about the prevalence of homosexuality in the black church. It might also be the case that we put our pastors on such a high pedestal that we forget that they are human and flawed like everyone else. Pastor worship seems to be as prominent as the worship of the higher power when it comes to some megachurches and logic can go out the window when we are in the presence of a charismatic figure who has positioned himself as our savior on earth. As a result, the churches become mighty, multi-million dollar institutions and pastors become untouchable spiritual leaders with access to everything in the church including money, sex and everything in between. There's a thin line between a strong religious institution and a cult. If free ideas are suppressed and people are not allowed to question the message they are given, then there may be a greater focus on controlling human beings than empowering them.

The poll had 15,700 respondents as of September 25. I fully expect that perhaps the numbers might change as information is released about the scandal. I certainly hope, at the very least, that this is not a case of black folks choosing to pull the wool over our eyes. There are certainly gay people within the church and many of them are pastors. It's time for the black church to have a serious conversation about homosexuality.


Dr. Boyce Watkins is the founder of the Your Black World Coalition and a Scholarship in Action Resident of the Institute for Black Public Policy. To have Dr. Boyce commentary delivered to your email, please click here.

 

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Introducing Jay Pharoah: The New Black Guy On Saturday Night Live

September 25, 2010, 6:11 pm
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It's been more than a few years since TV staple Saturday Night Live ('SNL') featured more than one black male comedian.

That changed during this weekend's premiere of the Lorne Michaels-produced sketch comedy series' 36th season.

The fresh-faced and relatively unknown Jared "Jay Pharoah" Farrow made his 'SNL' debut Saturday night -appearing as box-office superstar Will Smith on the show's satirical news segment 'Weekend Update' and later showing up portraying Chris Tucker during an spoof of a sequel to 'The Expendables' action flick.
The 22-year-old - whose birthday is in a couple of weeks - reportedly grew up in the Greenbrier section of Chesapeake, Virginia, and honed his comedic skills in local comedy clubs and as a drama student at Indian River High School.

He gained a following as being a spot-on impressionist, doing his take on comedy stars like Eddie Murphy (see video below).

A few years ago, the long-running NBC show -- who launched the careers of Murphy, Chris Rock, Tracy Morgan and Finesse Mitchell -- was faced with challenges in finding a cast member who can impersonate the Leader of the Free World, President Barack Obama - the source of much 'SNL' fodder. Michaels' decision to have a non-black comedic actor, Fred Armisen, portray the country's first black president was met with widespread criticism.

With the show's latest addition, that may change - a full three years after Obama caught the national spotlight during his presidential run. Pharaoh - as he professionally credited on the show - does his own take on the Commander in Chief.

But maybe not. According to the New York Times, a production source said that there are no plans to Pharaoh to take over the reins from Armisen.

Meanwhile, fellow black 'SNL' castmembers Maya Rudolph and Kenan Thompson also appeared on the season premiere.





 

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