Filed under: Personal Finance, Lynnette Khalfani-Cox
Who among us has not talked about the behavior of someone else's children in a one-on-one conversation, over the phone, or in a private setting? But on Twitter? Terry McMillan has over 42,000 followers and is a media savvy author. So even though she seemed taken aback by the public reactions to her Twitter posts, she had to at least have suspected that her comments would generate some buzz and/or controversy.
In any event, this whole incident does have a silver lining: It opens up the conversation about parents teaching our kids the value of hard work and allowing them to work. When does that start and when should it begin? Is two the best age to begin imparting lessons about hard work -- or is age 12 or 21 more appropriate? Terry McMillan's twitter rant made me start thinking about a few of the larger issues McMillan's comments raised about kids working, and about what is appropriate behavior in general for children.
Obviously, all parents will have different viewpoints on this. But I believe that Will and Jada Smith subscribe to the viewpoint -- as do my husband and I -- that the earlier you can instill a solid work ethic in your kids the better. And what better way to do that than by allowing children who are ready the opportunity to work?
That's what Will and Jada are apparently trying to do with their offspring. The Smiths seem to subscribe to a certain parenting philosophy that believes that if you allow a child to develop certain skills early in life, not only will that child thrive and gravitate to what they naturally love to do, but the child can also grow into a financially independent adult. This is obviously a different philosophy than the Tiger Mother brand of parenting, in which a parent dictates virtually every aspect of a child's life.
When I was growing up, it was nothing to see legions of teens (and even younger kids), bagging groceries at the supermarket for tips, delivering newspapers, babysitting, doing small jobs at convenience stores, or cleaning tables at a family-owned restaurant. These days wealthy parents and entrepreneurs are often advised by tax experts to hire their kids to work in family businesses, in order to save money on taxes. This strategy isn't new; those in the know have been doing it for years.
I see nothing wrong with introducing children to your line of work, and when possible, allowing them to work with you or for you -- as the Smiths have done. Now certainly, back in the day, kids were paid for their hard work and not financially "exploited." Also, their part-time, seasonal or occasional work did not prevent them from getting an education. McMillan seemed to imply that the Smith children's Hollywood pursuits left the kids uninterested in academics. "What about 4th grade?," McMillan tweeted.
Well, what do we think we are putting into our fourth grade children's heads when we scoop them up and take them with us to those annual "Take Our Daughters/Sons to Work" events? Of course kids are going to at least think about following in their parents' career footsteps. Will and Jada's kids are no different.
But it does not matter if your child is going to work with you on the set of the latest blockbuster film in the making, or if the child sits beside you -- as my oldest, my 13-year-old daughter does all the time -- coming up with editorial ideas. I routinely put my teenage daughter to work helping me come up with ideas for books; in fact she was the inspiration and a proofreader for my book series, 'The Millionaire Kids Club.' She's also helped me on TV sets and has used her considerable fashion expertise to help me get "camera ready" for appearances at CNN, FOX, ABC, MSNBC and elsewhere.
As a practice for the "real world," our two oldest children work in our house and earn money for everything from doing their basic chores, to helping us with our businesses, babysitting, tutoring our 5-year-old, etc. My husband Earl affectionately calls our house "the farm." Instead of milking cows, and raising chickens, he tells the children that there is ALWAYS something around here that needs to be done, and that everyone is expected to chip in and do their share without exception. When Earl leaves his home office and goes upstairs to get a cup of coffee or take a break, he'd better not see a messy whirlwind of a house while three kids sit around lazily watching TV or sitting in the midst of the mess.
Oh no. There are dishes to be washed, floors to be swept, beds to be made, and chores that need to be done. Unlike some families that expect the chores to be done just because parents said so, my husband actually pays our kids for remembering to perform their chores everyday to perfection. If they miss one single item, the opportunity to earn that money is completely blown that day.
After this fashion, not only do the kids not get paid, they also get (sometimes lengthy) lectures about responsibility and the importance of doing what you've agreed to do -- along with stories of kids in third word countries that are tasked with raising their siblings, finding food, clothing, and shelter, serving in small militias, and so on. Earl has even gone as far as to place giant easels with "to do" and "don't forget" lists in the middle of our foyer and office space so that the kids cannot avoid one last reminder on their way out to school of the importance of pitching in. It works that way seven days a week in what he calls a "wash, rinse, repeat" cycle.
The point of all of this "training" is to start preparing the kids for the next level of work and eventually to be self sufficient. So ultimately, you could argue that any money earned by our kids benefits the whole family -- us and them. It is part of our plan to raise intelligent, kind, and caring children, that can take care of themselves and be independent at all levels, including financially. We're not trying to have some 30-year-old kids living in our basement or calling us every month to borrow money, feed their children, etc.
So if the Smiths can teach their children how to earn a great living at a young age, and stay grounded, more power to them. More parents should do the same.
Lynnette Khalfani-Cox, an award-winning financial news journalist and former Wall Street Journal reporter for CNBC, has been featured in the Washington Post, USA Today, and the New York Times, as well as magazines ranging from Essence and Redbook to Black Enterprise and Smart Money. Check out her New York Times best seller 'Zero Debt: The Ultimate Guide to Financial Freedom.'
Rebecca Brody is a relationship coach and columnist in NYC. She hosts 
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