Luv Coach Q&A: Is He Lying?

Filed under: Luv Coach

My ex-fiance and I have been together for seven years. We've been through a lot; he helped me get through my cancer. I ended up moving out of the house because he told me he had no faith in me. I left because I did not feel complete in that relationship. Later on, we did plan to get ourselves together and get back together, but he ended up changing the plans. Now he is stressed out and started smoking and dating other people, but when we talk on the phone he tells me he loves me. I don't know if he is lying to get me back or what. From what I hear from his mother, he doesn't even visit her anymore or talk to her like he did when we were together. I was a positive influence in his life, and now he has gone back to his old habits. I feel bad for him. Should I continue to speak to him and be his friend or just let him move on?

Gerri
You two have a very special relationship, and you have been there for each other over the years. It sounds like you have managed to get yourself together and are ready to work things out with him, but he has not fully worked through his issues. Something is going on with him, and he isn't being totally honest about what that is. His old habits may be taking a toll on him and reaching out to you as a friend might be his life line. I would advise you to be there for him as a friend, but allow your heart to move on, so that you open yourself up to someone who is ready and able to love you. Be honest with him about your choice to move on, but let him know you will be there for him if he needs a friend. If you didn't feel complete in the relationship before, then nothing will have changed if he has reverted back to his old habits.

I believe my husband of ten years has been unfaithful to me. I have always been faithful, and I truly believe in my marriage vows. His phone accidentally called my cell phone while on a trip to the casino with his brother. They were supposed to be alone, but I could hear his brother say "they" went to the cash machine. If they were alone who was the brother talking about? He tried to make me think that I had not heard what was on my voice message! I listened to it more that 50 times and kept hearing the same thing. I am 60 and he is 61, we have no children together. I do not work and am solely dependent on his Social Security check for my needs. He keeps telling me I am "crazy" and that I need to believe him. I have truly tried to forgive and forget. I even deleted the message from my phone, but sometimes I just can't get it out of my mind.

Ivy

It's easy to allow your thoughts to worry when you believe that your partner is cheating, but allowing it to spin out of control will drive you to catch the crazy. This is a situation in which you cannot think the worst case scenario until you get more proof. If your intuition is telling you that he has cheated, then search for proof of his infidelity. Until you know for sure, you will make yourself crazy wondering if he has a wandering eye. You also need to address the issue of his choice to gamble with the social security money which you both depend upon to live. Does that sound like a responsible choice?

 

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