Filed under: Personal Finance, Dr. Boyce Money
My daughter and I were, as we normally do, talking about life, the future and all that can be accomplished if we put our minds to it. I'm sure my kids grow insane from listening to me, since I effectively become a 24/7 motivational speaker, constantly reminding them that anything is possible if a person is committed, and also reiterating that your actions must be in sync with your objectives if you are serious about doing anything meaningful in this world. A whole lot of people talk, but very few people are actually doing.
Our conversation today actually inspired my Financial Lovemaking topic for this article. It had to do with whether or not money can buy you love. I brought up the issue after joking that when I get old, if my kids don't care about me, I'll have to make sure I have enough money to pay a nurse or care provider who is willing to at least pretend to care about me. Of course this is not as good as having family who care, but it made me realize that if someone loves you and doesn't behave as if they do, they are probably no better than someone who doesn't love you at all.
This topic struck a chord with me because so many of us have a hard time showing others that we really care about them. Many of us have an inability to express affection or kind words, and we instead keep our love bottled up. Also, some of us exhibit our most selfish, narcissistic behavior toward those who care about us the most. So, if you love someone and behave as if you don't, you're not much better than their worst enemy.
This conversation with my daughter led me down the path of self-discovery and helped me to realize that loving another person is more of an action than a feeling. To possess love in your heart but not engage in the act of loving is like having food in your pantry while allowing someone to starve to death. So, having love without sharing that love is the same as having no love at all.
So, can money buy you love? Yes, it probably can, sort of. If I had a choice between someone loving me and not showing it vs someone who simply loves money but is willing to make me the target of their care and affection, I would choose the latter any day of the week. I'm not applying this argument to sex or anything freaky. Rather, I am applying it to the manner by which the intelligent application of money can be used to enhance the lives of those we care about. At the very least, we've addressed the philosophical fact that how someone feels or what they believe doesn't matter nearly as much as what they actually do. So, while money can almost certainly not convince another person to have love in their heart, it can definitely persuade someone to produce love through their actions. The latter is probably better than the first.
Dr. Boyce Watkins is the founder of the Your Black World Coalition and a Scholarship in Action Resident of the Institute for Black Public Policy. To have Dr. Boyce commentary delivered to your email, please click here.