Filed under: Luv Coach
I'm 49, never married, no real relationship in over 11 years and I'm tired of the single life. It's depressing having to add that up.
I take absolutely horrible pictures; I hate glamour shots, and my lack of sleep shows on my face. I have a nice figure, but no money to go out, pay for dating sites or do a makeover.
So are the broke and those striving to be successful according to God's word just supposed to forget about marriage? What website would you advise or what would you advise in general? I've done the grocery store, Home Depot (when I owned a house), etc., but continually run into married men.
Mischon
After so many years living the single life, dating can become an exhausting endeavor. You may feel like marriage just isn't in the cards for you, and you might be wondering if you should just give up. Love is an incredible force, though, and when it's missing from your life, its absence feels like a wound. In order to stay on the path, you have to enjoy the journey. Dating can be a fun, exciting, and hysterical endeavor if you approach it positively and choose to be a successful single.
At this point, you need a shift in your personal perception. At present, you paint a poor picture of who you really are, and if that is who you believe yourself to be, then it's no surprise you aren't attracting the right kind of man. You need to refresh your self confidence and your image. People are attracted to those who exude self love, and right now the message you're sending the world is "I'm aight."
Reach out to those around you and ask them what makes you great. What makes you special? What is unique about you? Make a list of these positive traits, and work on exuding them each day. The more you let your positive traits sparkle, the brighter you shine and, like a moth to a flame, you will attract others to you.
You want your inner self to match your outer self, so do a budget makeover. You don't need money, but rather a fresh pair of eyes and a new perspective. Think about how you want the world to perceive you and jot down a few key words that represent the image you want to portray. Then invite a friend, colleague or confidant who has an eye for style and ask them to help you create that look. Invite them into your closet and have them pick an outfit, hairstyle, and make up to complete the look. You'll be surprised to see that you have exactly what you need; you just couldn't see past your own limited perception of yourself.
As for where to meet men, it's a good idea to get friends involved in the search. Friends are a great way to be introduced to available men, and they can personally vouch for the character of anyone they set you up with. Volunteer to do community service, and as you reach out to help others, you surround yourself with people who have similar values.
Take part in speed dating events (e.g. www.ImprovDates.com) that cater to your age group, because the more people you meet the more choice you have. There is an abundance of free online dating sites that specialize in matching singles of all ages, so take some new pics and start winking. (Photo tip: Tilt your chin up in pictures. It will make a tired face look refreshed)
Being a successful single requires self confidence, the right attitude, and the will to get out there and meet new people. You are not limited by your money, so let go of the belief that you need it to find love.
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Rebecca Brody is a relationship coach and columnist in NYC. She also works with private clients. Send your questions to Brody@TheLuvCoach.com or visit her at theluvcoach.com.