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Oddly enough, the study was done at Brigham Young University, which happens to be owned by Mormons who believe in abstinence. But the study has also been peer reviewed by the academic community and the results are statistically shown to have been controlled for the religious background of the participant. Whether the controls are entirely adequate is still subject to further review.
Professor Dean Busby, the leader of the study, gathered 2,035 married people with ages ranging from 19 to 71, all of whom had been married for between six months and 20 years. Their religious affiliations varied across the board and many of them were atheists.
The participants in the study were asked if they had sex before marriage, whether they have high quality sex lives today, how often they've thought about ending their relationships and a few other questions to gauge relationship quality. The questions were answered on a five point scale. The results are to be published in the Journal of Family Psychology.
According to the study, those who waited to have sex after their wedding date were found to have better communication, a higher quality sex life, more satisfying relationships and a greater perception of relationship stability. The results were consistent across the board for both men and women.
On first glance, the study surprised me a bit. But once I thought about it, I realized that perhaps the authors are onto something. Those who start their relationships without the powerfully-distorting drug called "sex" are likely to make more rational relationship choices. They may also be more likely to choose a partner who stimulates them in other ways, leading to a stronger and more lasting relationship.
I present the results of this study as a man who neither goes to church very often nor believes in waiting until marriage to have sex. But the findings seem to argue that those who have the discipline to wait may have an added benefit that other people do not. At the same time, the idea of teaching abstinence-only approaches to controlling teen pregnancy have been shown to be relatively ineffective, for the powerful force of human attraction is almost impossible to control. At the very least, young people should be educated about safe sex so that if they do have a weak moment and choose to become sexually-involved, they don't have to pay a lifetime price for their decision.
Another thought that comes to mind when analyzing these results is the risk that sexual abstinence during a relationship can cause people to rush toward marriage. The use of abstinence as a tool to persuade another person to walk down the aisle is typically a risky and futile relationship strategy. With divorce rates in America being as high as they are, marriage as the ultimate relationship solution is certainly open to question. Also, one has to wonder if a partner demanding abstinence in a relationship should be surprised if they find out that the person they love is having sex with someone else in order to pass the time.
Overall, one can simply make the argument that the decision to abstain from sex until marriage certainly appears to have long-term benefits if the strategy is pursued in the right context with the right partner. That partner not only has to have a similar belief system, but also the discipline and willingness to commit to those beliefs in the face of significant temptation (we know how some church folk are not exactly living the way they pretend to live). By observing your partner's discipline and engaging in honest, open communication about this difficult decision, you may be able to utilize abstinence in a way that creates a lasting and meaningful relationship. But abstinence isn't for everyone, so you should make sure you're on the same page.
Dr. Boyce Watkins is the founder of the Your Black World Coalition and a Scholarship in Action Resident of the Institute for Black Public Policy. To have Dr. Boyce commentary delivered to your email, please click here.