Filed under: Luv Coach
Nancy
It sounds like you have already decided you don't want to be in this marriage any longer and are just looking for outside confirmation to support your decision to leave. The decision to walk away from a marriage has to come from you, and asking the world if it's the right choice is relinquishing responsibility. You chose to enter into this marriage, for better or for worse, and now you want to dump it because it's too hard and it isn't turning out the way you expected. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be free, but this sounds more like giving up. You can walk away if you want, or you can stay, take responsibility for what has happened and work on cleaning up this mess. Healing your marriage will be the catalyst to your emotional growth, and it will take time and work. You will both need to work with a professional, because it's obvious you can't do it on your own. The decision to move on will be yours alone, but don't leap without first making sure you did everything in your power to make this work.
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I've been with my daughter's father for six years and he is 17 years my senior. I was a little reluctant to start a relationship with him because a couple of my friends told me he was abusive to his last girlfriend, but I ignored them. He was aggressive in the beginning, but I liked that he was a manly man. When he drinks he becomes a different person. When the relationship first started we wanted to buy a house and get married, but these were broken promises. He bought the house on his own and after our daughter was born we still did not get married. He accused me of cheating, and when I tried to explain why I was dating another man, he assaulted me. I still dealt with him for the sake of the family, but I find him to be cheap, selfish and insecure. He got drunk one day and hit me and verbally abused me in front of my kids. I went and told his employer that he was an alcoholic and he needs help. I made a police report and that made him act aggressively towardme. That was the last straw and I threw him out and told him to make other arrangements to see his daughter. I keep letting him back into my life because I have to work and I need help. He got his house, while my kids and I live in an apartment. When I try to move on, he stalks me and is very confrontational. He never has anything nice to say. I sleep with him every now and then because I have no other man. I feel trapped and confused.
Nicole
You are in an abusive relationship and you need to get away now. Do not sleep with him, do not let him anywhere near your children, and do not allow him access to any part of your life! You need to find an apartment and a job that is far away from him and do not let him know where you are going. You are not trapped. You can call upon friends and family to help you move, and there are numerous organizations that can help you deal with and heal from domestic abuse. Call a domestic violence hotline in your state and check out DAP (Domestic Abuse Project), which can provide assistance and counseling for both you and your children. You don't need a man to be whole, so remove that thought from your mind. It's time to become an independent woman and a strong role model for your kids, and that means cutting this toxic man out of your life completely and looking to yourself, family, and friends for support. You must protect yourself and your children, and in the future when the people who love you most warn you that someone is abusive, heed their words and ignore your own neediness to be loved.
Rebecca Brody helps singles and couples experience healthy love. Send questions to Brody@TheLuvCoach.com or check her out at www.TheLuvCoach.com. For more date tips follow her on twitter @LuvCoach.