Filed under: Celebrity Love, Dating, Relationships, Love and Money, Love Analytix
Who thought we'd see the day when rappers became relationship gurus, or when Nelly would be analyzing and breaking down why black women are single. Well, unfortunately that day has come. During a recent visit at Chicago's WGCI station, the St. Louis rapper sounded off on why he feels so many black women in America are single. "This is just my opinion; I think some girls want the perfect guy. I'm not saying it doesn't exist, but it has to exist for you," Nelly stated. With a failed attempt to not look sexist he continued, "I think a lot of people -- and not just girls, because guys may do it too -- I think we interpret relationships maybe wrong a little bit because [we're thinking], 'Does this look right? Do me and him look right in society's eyes,' Instead of, 'Does he look right in my eyes? Does he take care of me? Does he make me feel special.' He may not be 6'2", with broad shoulders and all that but is that what you really want?"
"I've seen girls turn down a nice guy because he didn't look the part, but he was a great guy. He had the job, he treated her special, he did everything she asked, but he didn't quite look the part. Then you got the guy that looks the part, but he ain't on the job," Nelly told WGCI host Loni Swain.
Real talk, Nelly - women want both. Men want both. We all want someone that looks good on paper, and is good to us off paper. Do perfect people exist? Of course the concept of the perfect person is far fetched, but really finding a "perfect" companion is all relative to what your own personal standards of perfection are.People shouldn't have to make apologies for having those standards, and believe it or not finding your 'perfect' person isn't impossible if you realistically define what those standards are. Defining your perfect match means being flexible and giving things a range, versus setting your requirements in stone.
For example, what's wrong with not being attracted to short men? If for the sake of not being labeled shallow forces you to date someone you're not attracted to, it will be difficult to keep your interest, whether you're a man or woman. Instead of saying you want a man that's 6'2'', consider shifting your requirements to a man who's 5'10'' or taller. These type of outward requirements that involve money, looks or status only make you shallow when you give no room for flexibility.
Reexamining Nelly's advice to black single women addresses one issue, yet perpetuates another problem with women in general. While attempting to find society's standards of a perfect man will keep you single, thinking it's all about what a man can do for you will keep you just as single. Who cares if a man has a job, treats you special and does everything you ask, if you're not reciprocating that same type of love and attention. If you go about life being just a taker and not a giver, you'll find yourself by yourself.
Whether you're a man or woman, we all make mistakes. Even when you find that 'perfect' person they will always remain imperfect, for to be human is to err. Finding a perfect person is impossible. Finding and securing a perfect love however, isn't if both people realize mistakes do happen and that 'perfect' love, requires work.
Follow writer Shirea L. Carroll on Twitter @InviteOnly